20 something - female - lost in space

Before I started taking lithium I frequently shrieked with rage when I saw my reflection. I screamed because I hated what I saw (myself). Or at other times I did not recognize my face at all.

I stood dazed in the mirror, wondering - whose nose is this? It is my father's nose, I thought, not mine.

I couldn't recognize myself because I was millions of miles away floating in a part of space where no one could reach me.

After a couple weeks of taking lithium I was back on this planet and able to look in the mirror without having an immediate or violent reaction.

I saw that my eye bags sagged. I looked and felt tired. Finally, I could relate to my reflection.

A few months later my face was covered with painful red pimples, worse than any breakouts I had as a teen. I went to my dermatologist puzzled because I had been taking all necessary steps to maintain my complexion.

My dermatologist said my acne was a very common side effect of lithium treatment...and if I wanted the (uncomfortable and embarrassing) blemishes to go away I would need to stop taking lithium.

I was devastated. I felt extremely lucky that lithium had helped stabilize my mood swings. I was afraid that nothing else would be as effective.

I talked to my psychiatrist about the acne side effect and she suggested I try Depakote instead. She explained that lithium and Depakote are the two most frequently used mood stabilizers to treat bipolar disorder.

I did not react well to Depakote. It made me feel zombie-like and heavy as soon as I started taking it. Worse, after a few days of being on Depakote I felt like I was stuck on a nauseating carnival ride. The ground seemed to shift beneath me when I walked. My psychiatrist suggested Seroquel as a possible alternative to the "traditional" bipolar mood stabilizers.

I've been taking Seroquel XR (XR means extended release) for over a year now. It has helped tremendously with decreasing my depression. I think it is particularly effective against depression in conjunction with Zoloft. I get depressed less frequently now and when I do it's less severe.