nightmares of being a burden

I have been repeatedly having the same nightmare that I can't stop crying.

In my dream my boyfriend takes me from doctor to doctor but no one can help me.

I feel so deeply sad that the tears will never stop - and I feel horrible for the stress and burden I am putting on my boyfriend.

It breaks my heart to see him try so hard to make me sane again.

I keep crying even though what I want more than anything is to be happy and healthy.

I don't want to be a burden but I'm terrified that I already am.

My boyfriend says he will always stand by me and I believe that is what he truly wants. However, he's only human and there's only so much responsibility one person can bear.

the man who hates/loves me wants to get casual coffee

An ex "boyfriend" contacted me this week and wanted to meet up. I only put boyfriend in quotes because we never had a title - just a summer... And then I officially dated someone else for years.

There is an electricity between my ex and I that is palpable to everyone around us. But its probable that the impossibility of being together (due to our inability to commit to each other) is what causes this effect.

We hadn't talked since 2008, at the time we were trading personal jabs but he was so very full of hatred towards me. I never hated him, but he wasn't a safe choice in regards to being someone to date, someone I could sustain a long term relationship with.

And out of nowhere he wanted to meet up for coffee, but my instinct told me it was a bad idea. I'm healthier now, I don't need attention from lots of men in order to feel adequate.

Communicating with my ex always entails verbal sparring, whether it be coy or cruel.

We dance around the truth with well crafted sentences that contain concise words...I tried to hint when he recently contacted me that there was a biological reason for my extreme behavior. The truth is the insanely argumentative, snide girl I used to be is gone. He would probably be shocked by my personality now that I've been in treatment for years.

I'm still snarky and intense, but I don't need the kind of complication that talking to an ex can bring. I let him know that I would prefer it if we not converse. And to his merit he said he would abide by that request.

but he was so goddamn intense and we made each other so crazy it is hard to put this whole exchange out of my mind.

I am in no way pining for the past, but nostalgia can be powerful especially when it is unexpected.

current pop culture depictions of being bipolar

i think it must be quite lonely to be bipolar

This is a quote from Claire Danes on last night's episode of the colbert report.

Previously in the conversation Stephen asked claire if she had any bipolar traits to which she replied "i hope not! 9knock on wood) i hope not.

what depth of empathy and understanding! she responded as if stephen asked if she had leprosy.

.....