money wasn't discussed in my family it was screamed about. my dad/mom were shrieking and calling each other lying bitch and fucking bastard so loud my bedroom walls shook. its important to note my parents were outside in a shed a considerable distance away. this is not a solo incident there were countless nights i sat listening to the violence in my fathers voice and wondering if my mom would survive. moreover my dad was so full of fury during these financial discussions that he would kick our dog or shriek obscenities so close to my face that i was covered in spittle.
my boyfriend wants to talk about money on Friday buy i wrote him a letter outlining the needed budget details. i said i would prefer to pay for everything so we never had to talk about money. obviously this is neither healthy nor realistic. he said if we want to be together as long as we intend we will have to work it out. i am spinning internally and want to cry i don't feel safe but i know i am. Ive just been conditioned throughout my life to be either terrified of or enraged by money . i want to get better but it cant happen overnight.
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