I'm sitting at my desk trying to focus on emails and tears are welling up in my eyes. I've been carrying the burden of my household bills for too long and I'm now coming to terms with how over my head I am with my finances.
What I spent last month
$150 - bipolar meds
$240 - behavioral cognitive therapy
$30 - psychiatric nurse
$350 - self-medication (delicious, satisfying)
After rent, electricity, cooking gas, car insurance, etc I have a few hundred dollars left.
If I get sick, (which I did in January) - I'm screwed
If the car breaks down - I'm fucked
If there is an emergency (like an ice storm when I can't live at home) - I'm stuck in the cold
If I want to take a vacation - better cuddle up on the couch and watch some TV
If I want to buy something lovely for the apartment - Gotta get it at family dollar
I am extremely grateful to have a job, and extremely grateful to have somewhere warm to live and to have food to eat.
I'm just so scared because I have no safety net. What happens if I have a bipolar freak out and I can't go to work for awhile? I don't have anyone in my life who would be able to carry my financial burden for me while I get healthy.
I've called my bank, my credit card company and my school loan companies to see if there is anything to be done to reduce the amount of money I have to pay a month. Unfortunately I've had little success with this endeavor.
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